Wizard of the Fonz (Actually Me)
by coolstudios442
Summary: Twilight's Levitation skills reach their point landing her in the colorful land of midgets and evil monkeys. There she encounters some familiar faces and maybe some new ones. Will Twilight ever find her way home? (SPOILER) Yes.


**1**

It all started on a brisk summer morning in Equestria, the birds were singing, dogs were barking at imaginary stuff, the pegasi were doing their usual duty. Sweeping up the clouds and making rainbows happily, even if they draining it from the failed pegasus, but that's not our story. Our story is in the royal Canterlot Castle where Twilight Sparkle is learning new and more advanced spells from her book titled Super Advanced Levitating Spells for Idiots. As diving into her reading she feels a bit frustration which is tamed by Spikes lovable charm or something. Twilight's expectations is to learn very very very very very very advanced levitations skills. "Okay, here we go." Twilight said then taking a deep breathe. She repeated herself as if she hasn't said it before. "Here we go!" Spike then lost his smile and put on his annoyed face. "JUST DO IT!" Yelled Spike being annoyed by the fact that Twilight's a slow fuck. "Okay, Concentrate." Twilight sealed her eyes as her horn (that's on her head) glowed bright purple because she's purple. "WINGARDIUM LEVIOSAAAAAAA!" Spike took a wide disappointed face at Twilight. "Leviosa? I thought spells are done by the power love or something like that?" Said Spike questioning Twilight's way of doing spells, because he's like that. Twilight took a wide stare at Spike's questionable look. "Look I don't question and neither should you. Now one more time." Twilight spoke as her horn seized it's glow. She once again put her concentration back, and her horn grew back it's glow. "So NOW you're not saying it!" Said Spike breaking Twi's concentration causing her to, as the kids say; flip out and lose control levitating Spike out a window. "Oh sweet Celestia! Spike are you okay." Yelled Twilight looking out the window down at Spike being held by Lyra Heartstrings. Lyra took a wide look at spike with a smile then up at Twilight in the tower.

"Oh my..." said Twilight grabbing her heart in relief to see Spike was saved. "Lyra thank Celestia, you saved him! But what were you doing out here?" Asked Twilight Waving her arm at Turquoise horse. "Oh I just hanging out, Bon Bon kind of ditched me for some guy giving out giving out free candy! Spike's pretty knocked out cold, you seem to your hands full with the whole sun rising thing, maybe...maybe I should take care of Spike…..you...you obviously need some alone time." Said Lyra nervously. A few days after the coronation Celestia informed Twilight of her true destiny or understudy job she said "Hey Twilight I'm gonna go on vacation so you raise the moon, see ya. Oh and take of my gay pornos too, those cost a lot, the banana wouldn't hold still." The purple donkey answered back. "Alrighty! ...wait! WHAT?!" Back in the present time, got even more nervous after being reminded of what she's been training for, it was only 2 days away, her sweat on her face quickly and metaphorically became tears at the thought that her whole life or at least like ⅓ of it has been living up to that day, she took a deep breathe and agreed to Lyra's good deed. "MMM hands." Said Lyra picking up Spike's hand while holding him innocently. "What?" Questioned Twilight looking back out the window. "I said I'm going to take great care bye!" She said walking away with Spike's hand in her mouth.

Moments after Twilight sat back down in comfortable position (Giggity) she then opened up (giggity) her book. She stuck her hoof (giggity) to find where she was in the paragraph. "Okay, okay Okay again, I got to do this harder, more thought more love! More AWWWWH!" She yelled as her horn started glowing an even brighter purple, the light got brighter, brighter than when a doctor takes a child out of a womans vagina at birth. Twilight could barely see or even keep her eyes open. Being too preoccupied with her magic, because it was literally blowing her away, her tower in the middle of the Canterlot Castle started shaking. "Sweet Celestia the Castle shaking…..I said the Castle is shaking! Celestia dammit, no one ever listens to me." Said Octavia slowly walking away in sadness"AHHHHH SHIIIIT! What is- AHHHHHHHH STOP! I'M NOT LOVING I'M-" Twilight was expectedly cut off by a piece of film falling off her shelf onto her head. "AH! That's heavy!" Twilight was then threshed back into wall followed by a large dictionary slamming her face knocking out cold, one of her disadvantages of having a library is that her book are fucking huge. She was then put into dizzy, she tripped watching the room spin and spin and spin and spin and spin, those words swarmed all over her mind until all went dark, darker then grew brighter and darker again and repeated this pattern until she awakens.

Twilight slowly opens her eyes"What? AH Ow. My head, it hurts." Twilight put her hoof on her head, by for a strange reason she felt five points of skin on her head. "No no no no, it's a dream! Wake up!" She grabbed her hair, pinched herself herself over and over. "Ah! The last thing I want to do is try Rainbow Dashes advice." Did seem like she had a choice now did she? Twilight then punched herself in the crotch, a tear fled out of her eye. "OW! My Sorghastrum Endometrium!" She yelled holding her crotch in an awkward fashion, she's lucky no one saw that especially Dashie. She held her crotch like a meth head does to his weed when she hears a rustling noise is heard from the outside before Twilight can even begin to investigate, she tries her best to remember how to stand of two. She had her same clothes from her last adventure as a humanoid. "Okay….can't stay here." She tried to speak non hesitantly for her own sake. She takes slow breaths walking toward the door trying to walk straight, and she fails she falls. She doesn't give up she picks herself up and stands only to fail once again. After countless tries to reach the door, she finally succeeds, she pushed the door open, she kept walking roughly on her two only feet. "What is this, not Equestria, not Humanoid Dimension, well it seems to be…...a mix of both." She said as she widely stared at the newly seen land. It was colorful yet seemed to have a build similar to a city or town. The walls and buildings would vary in colors, it seemed a bit dirty and greasy, some graffiti written saying Live On The Witch and Maybe Even Fonz I Don't Know, Have Your Own Opinion. "Fonz? Witch? What is this?" She said calmly questioning until a short hairy man jumped right in front of Twilights human face. "AY! There! I be the Midget of Pervity madam, now I shall touch your boobs now!" He said happily whaling a Irish accent while pointing at her chest. The hairy Irish Midget of Pervity had a short thick brown beard with a large round nose and a white buttoned shirt and green overalls. "Boobs? I thought these were just testicals on my chest." Said Twilight Holding on to her melons. "They're boobs alright, nice and round…..and round." Said the charmed Midget rubbing her melons. "By the way my names Sleavy. MMMMM…...boobs." He said still having a grasp on her. "Where am I?...Sleavy?" She asked looking down on him. Sleavy released Twilights boobs and looked at with a serious face then a bright drunken smile. "Why you're in the….." He stopped and looked at his short hairy arm with writing on it. "The Wonderful Land of FONZ!" He went on. "By the way you killed someone with your house." He said calmly placing his head in her chest. "I WHAT?!" She yelled cautiously looking back her house, she spotted lifeless feet under the broken tower between two colorful buildings. "Yep, you came right out of the sky. Poor little asian kid never saw it coming, I think he was retarded, but who'll ever know." Once again Sleavy, spoke calmly and settled. "OH NO NO! WHY DIDN"T YOU CALL FOR HELP." She yelled trying not to hyperventilate. "I waaaaas, then…..boobs." He said resting his head on her. Twilight then calmed herself, she closed her eyes trying to find her happy place, that's when she heard a familiar voice. "Hi there." It sounded sweet and western. "Howdy!" Twilight opened her eyes and quickly without hesitation she yelled in delight. "Applejack?!" She was delighted to see Applejack but with a bit confusion to see she was looking at not only human but Applejack was clothed in a pink long dress, with a few white features. She also had a bright pink crown over her head, she held a wand with a apple on the tip.

"What? Applejack what're you-" She was cut off by Applejack's voice. "Wow, you killed the Witches peasant Octavia! I've never seen such bravery! She's dead! Yay!" Blood then slowly spreaded from under where the lifeless legs are. "Octavia!" She screamed in surprise and regret. "Yup! She's dead! I'm the redneck with of the East by the way!" Applejack said cheerfully. "East?" Questioned Twilight, with the midget still laying on her breasts. "Yeah, the west is taken by my brother, the Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeyup Witch of the South. Why were you expecting west, racist bitch, just kidding I make jokes about blacks constantly sooooo yeah!" Applejack yelled with spirit and joy. "Wait you aren't acting like herself Applejack, what the heck is going on!" Yelled Twilight flaring her arms around in anger and confusion. "Silly Twilight? I'm not Applejack, you're here to learn a lesson that'll somehow benefit you in the real world." "What?" Said Twilight Utterly confused by the Redneck Witch of the East's statement. "One of your options is to reach the Ayyy City, ayyyyyy." Said The Witch setting of some silence with Twilight set in confusion. "Whats the other-" Twilight Sparkle was quickly cut off by a mysterious and mystical pink smoke gazing in the sky towards them with a maniacal laughter following it. In a shocking twist Twilight found that it looked like her dear friend Pinkamena Diane Pie! (This is the part where you gasp.) Her clothing was a black witch robe, a hat with a pointed tip, pink skin with a wicked smile on her wretched face.

You may think she was as ugly as a big boned rattle snake rolled up diagnosed with herpes and foaming from its mouth, but no she had the most innocent face, as innocent as she had it in Twilight's real home, Equestria. "AH! What a charming face upon your…..face. I'm the wicked bitch of the something something, I have a bad memory when it comes to the many nicknames I hear and are given. And you mah pretty will pay for killing mah peasant. She was sadly the only one who would listen to my stories and weepings of my life in the old country." The Wicked Bitch Witch mumbled the last bit of that sentence with anger and sadness. The Wicked Bitch spoke loud and clear, not allowing Twilight to say a word. "She was only friend/sexual companion even if she wasn't aware of that! You stupid fucking vanilla ass whore I'll kill you! AHHHHHHH!" She screamed as Twilight did the same thing in confusion not knowing why or how? "Poor Wicked, you have no power here." Said The Redneck Witch with a spoonful of pride and loud. "I have the power to fly…...and the pink smoke to like, cover me. So not all of my power is gone, I just…...I just can't always use killing spells, but when I do, I prefer the molest donkey decapitation spell, stay dead my victim." Said The Wicked Bitch as if she was advertising or something. "She's crazy by the way." Once again said out loud for the world to hear. "Hey, you're the crazy one" The Wicked Bitch screamed as she started laughing like hysterical whore. "I'll get you purple person and you perverted midget too!" She hissed as she lifted off into the sky disappearing.

"I don't have any words to express my feelings." Said Twilight still confused on what's going on. "I bet you're thinking: FUCK THIS! ME WANT TO GO HOME!" She said even louder. "Just go see the Wizard of the Fonz, you'll find you're way home up in AYYYYYYYY City." She said with her country accent. "Wait you're magical being can't you teleport me home!" Twilight questioned the Redneck. The Witch jumped and said. "I LOVE THE SMELL OF PANCAKES IN THE MORNING!" She said with a thicker accent disappearing in dark orange smoke. The little Irish man stood up and nodded, as Twilight simply said. "Here we go."


End file.
